ONEVOICE NEVER SILENCED
THE HOME FOR ALL BE YOU MAN, WOMAN OR CHILD. WE ARE HERE TO COCOON, SERVE & PROTECT.
And so goodbye to
2013
I’ve had good years,
I’ve had bad but 2013 will be THE year I will never forget for so many reasons.
Pull up a chair this is going to take
some time for this is me Heather.
On that day when I
finally got the balls to escape and leave behind over two decades of abuse and
violence I never thought I would become the woman I am today. In 2010 I was a broken shell, my soul, mind
and body had been destroyed by a man who was supposed to love me, cherish me,
look after me and for years I didn’t recognise what was happening to me and to
those around me.
Two beautiful souls
saved me, my girls. I should have been
their protector but instead they were mine and as they grew and their voices
became stronger, wiser they helped guide me to recognise that we were victims
and that it was not I that was at fault but him.
When my daughters
were young and he had gone “over the top” I would sneak into their rooms to
console them, he hated that and saw it as betrayal but I honestly did my best
to try to counteract his “punishments” and I am ashamed to say I made up
excuses for him to my babies, he was unwell and needed help.
As my girls got
older we communicated silently by text, it was hard work trying to hide it from
him but I needed to know they were ok.
Now some have said
that I failed as a mother, that I should have left at the first sign of
violence towards myself let alone my children and why did I endure it for over
20 years – I can’t really answer that
except to say that I tried, I really did, I have never nor will I ever use the
word “escaped” lightly. The last time
wasn’t the first time that I or he “left” and yes I attempted to take my own
life on more than one occasion because I just couldn’t stand it anymore, I
wanted to escape but I couldn’t, his hold over me was too strong. The police have been called to my home so
many times over the years and that pattern followed me from our first home
together to our last.
Three weeks before
we escaped my eldest daughter was very poorly and had a “run in” with her
father, I secretly recorded it on my mobile.
A week later my youngest daughter, my fiercest protector yet my biggest
critic, also had a “run in” with him, these two things along with some other
stuff that was happening to me made my eyes finally open, I knew we needed
help, we had always been in danger but now it seemed different.....
I walked into Astley
Bridge Police Station and asked for help and was put in touch with the Domestic
Violence Unit straight away. I explained
that I wasn’t quite ready yet, that I needed to know if we would be safe and
protected, they assured me I would and explained the process that I would have
to go through so that I had all the information.
Driving home I knew
what I had to do and two weeks later he attacked me for the last time. Two days before he had my girls and I trapped and cornered in the kitchen, his words I will never forget - he told us he was going to kill us, chop us up into tiny pieces and set us on fire or perhaps bury us on the moors, he had the knives to carry out his task, knives that were later handed over to the police.
I did it
I escaped and GMP Bolton East Division kept their word, I was cocooned and
protected from the moment my daughter and I fled to Astley Bridge Police
Station and PC Nathan Spinks deserves the highest praise from his superiors,
his handling, empathy and understanding was amazing, we need more like him. PC Spinks may not even realise what he did
for me and my K that day but as we walked out of the police station to go into
hiding whilst my husband was arrested and he said goodbye we took our first
steps on a journey that he built the foundations for. I would love to meet PC Spinks again, I owe
him a big hug.
That past three
years I have used wisely to educate myself because I always hoped that one day
I would find “me” again. I remember the
conversation I had with my Victim Support Worker when I went through the anti
molestation process, I knew back then that this had to change when I ended up a
mess suffering from my first ever panic attack on the floor of the Civil Court
at the mere sound of his voice but I wasn’t ready, I wasn’t strong enough to
let my voice be heard. She asked me to
go to a conference in Manchester and stand up and speak but I was fearful and
had no confidence and was also a witness in a criminal trial, the time wasn’t
right, the professional was still hidden too afraid to come out.
Its now almost the
end of 2013 and I am so proud of who I am and what I have achieved. I have completed the cycle, the circle is
full, I have done it. Yes I have been
bitter, yes I have hated but now all the negative emotions have been shed and
replaced with positivity, the chains of my past no longer hold me down, I am
now “me” again, Heather.
This year began with
my ex being arrested again for breaking the restraining order that I was given
by the court, he received 60 hours unpaid work, my RO was extended until 2015
pathetic I know but because domestic violence is not deemed “serious” enough bad
character applications are not automatically applied for. I began to study, to research and as each day
passed I was amazed that nobody had even thought of the idea that was slowly
taking shape on my pieces of scattered paper.
I didn’t have a name for it back then but I knew that I was on to
something that could protect so many victims.
In February I
discovered Twitter and this is when OneVoice Never Silenced was created. Twitter has been amazing and I have used it I
hope in a very positive way whilst conversing with some remarkable people and
raising awareness for all types of abuse.
I pride myself in transparency and honesty and have watched in awe as my
dream has grown and along with that my confidence. Yes I have encountered a few problems on
Twitter that sadly flowed over into my personal life when I was followed to an
event and threatened, this taught me a big lesson NEVER trust who you are
conversing with online unless you truly, 100% can confirm who they are. I do not know why this person continues to
attack me, I have welcomed “her” back in peace so many times and tried my best
to accept and not judge understanding that the account holder is in need of
professional help, help that no one via Twitter should be providing in my professional opinion. “She” claims her “James Bond”
has accessed the UK Police Database, my medical records, court records all
criminal offences and all making every one of my senses react when I’m
approached and threatened by her “mother” a claim
that was refuted when questioned on tape.
Despite all that I welcomed her back
but then “she” found my daughter and named her on Twitter drawing reference to
a Twitter account, I was appalled at this dangerous behaviour especially as everyone knew about the court case and my fight to keep our safe address
protected, (more of that to follow) this pattern of behaviour has been going on for over 4 years, yes
I was her latest victim but I was most certainly not her first! (See link, lengthy but well worth reading for clarification.)
I have been forced into publicly disclosing my real name before I was
ready, I have been forced into publicly disclosing my ex husband’s conviction
for battery, my restraining order etc, I should never have been put in that
position, NEVER! The abusers took my
choices away from me and some of those are “professionals,” and for them I have
three words to say - shame on you. I will not “name and shame” as one
professional tweeted, you know who you are and I hope now that you see that I
am much more than a survivor of domestic violence or a victim of online abuse,
you should have asked the questions, you should have got to know me, your eyes
should have been open. Some I attempted to guide as I too was guided and some I
reached out to for help but they turned their back sending hurtful texts that questioned my mental health or shunning me, did I let it silence me or stop me, NO because the support I have received has me humbled and has
made me strong enough to fight back once again and stand up for what is
right. Who knows one day I may just tell
all and I have prepared well in advance for this utilising the resources I have
at my disposal but for now I will remain silent about certain things as I don’t
want to negatively impact on the good work that some are doing at this moment
in time but hope that finally eyes will open. The situation will continue to be monitored and our social media safeguarding policies have been put into place, but we are watching and I will defend and look out for our over stretched organisations and victims, dangerous practise and abuse will never be ignored and is always reported.
As you all know I loathe child abusers so when
“she” tweeted myself and another user that we “should broaden our minds” and
accept others points of view that was game over for me. She was replying to a tweet by the OSCP
account who had stated that they were sexually attracted to under 1’s –
BABIES! Only two days before the same
account had tweeted me asking if it was ok to be sexually aroused by a child
even if only once. The OSCP account and “her” tweeted openly and via dm at
“her” request. Now the same account
holder has opened yet another account and is once again portraying themselves
as an abuse advocate so I ask you all to be proactive and not reactive – be
aware of who you are following and conversing with online, read their
timelines, are they extensive, can you see a pattern, who are they following
and who follows them, look who they converse with and if in doubt ASK, seek
guidance. Your safety is YOUR responsibility
and to the “professionals” your reputation is also YOUR responsibility. Everything I say is substantiated, if it
comes from my mouth then they will be my words or I will have fully documented
proof, I won’t say it if it isn’t true! I pride myself on my honestly and integrity
that I lost for a while because of violence and abuse but it is back with a
passion now and so I invite any queries by email as social media is not the
place for this and I can be reached on the usual email address [email protected]. I will say no more on this matter and get
back to 2013.
For most of this
year I was fighting to keep my girls and I safe as I became a defendant in a
small claims hearing within the civil courts, a process that made us victims
again as my ex husband’s friend, a person who had given my telephone number to
my ex once before, pursued a false claim in order to get the information that
he constantly craves, my safe address. The court had my home address, in fact
His Honour Judge Platts stated at the hearing on the 29 August
when I surrendered myself to Manchester Civil Justice Centre after a warrant
was issued for my arresnt for contempt of court that I had indeed “provided
most of the information” it was my safe address, my telephone number and bank
statements that I was refusing to publicly disclose. I had offered redacted documentation but this
was not acceptable, I had also offered two further options, a sealed envelope
for the Judges eyes only, the details could be released if the “debt” was not
paid or an attachment on my benefits.
I’m sad to say that neither were acceptable in the eyes of the law and
even though His Honour Judge Platts agreed to take hold of the envelope he
could not guarantee that the other side would make a claim to see the contents,
that was the law, I was not willing to take this risk because the disclosure of
my safe address was exactly what the claimant wanted and despite providing
extensive proof in the form of a statement of truth, log numbers, copies of
restraining orders etc I was told that my “past domestic violence history had
no bearing on the case.” As the Judge
was about to sentence me to 14 days in HMP Styal a friend raised her hand and
intervened asking if the whole nightmare would end if the £929 was paid in
full, the Judge looked at the bailiffs who nodded their heads and so my ordeal
ended. My girls and I were safe again. I have now managed to pay the money back
to my dear friend, money that I couldn’t afford and my ordeal may be over but I
now continue the fight for every other victim out there with Eve’s Law and
Eve’s Marker.
In August I was
lucky enough to be put in touch with prominent human right barrister David
Malone by my Chair Henry O’Carroll on Twitter.
David was abroad at the time and not due back into the country until
the 1 September but he gave up his own holiday time to guide me, I
owe this awesome GENTLEman BIG time! David, who is based at Red Lion Chambers has supported me and worked with me
on the Eve’s Law/Marker Campaign and along with his marvellous team member
Sarah Day they have prepared the legal brief, more about that later.
The first 8 months
of 2013 weren’t so good but during that time I have conversed with and met some
fantastic people and as OneVoice Never Silenced has grown so has my smile and
my passion, YOU have all helped me so much because yes I have grown too.
To the fantastic
OneVoice Never Silenced Board a team of professionals who share my vision and
have stood by me supporting whilst the online abuse and court case was going
on, THANK YOU. In April I was lucky
enough to meet Katie Bradshaw who contacted me on facebook asking if she could
send me her story to include in the Fifty Shades Of Abuse book, she wanted to
be anon but as soon as she saw her words in print she felt empowered and I am
very happy to say has journeyed far and is now a qualified person centred
counsellor and our OneVoice Buddies Manager, her identity revealed to the
world, her voice as loud as can be. My
team are amazing and each brings a unique set of skills to the table. I sought out my board well, I researched and
developed relationships and in unison we have moved OneVoice Never Silenced
into the next phase and they have even managed to rein me in a little, only a
little mind.
2013 has ended on a
high, my pieces of scattered paper are all neatly in files now, everything
cross referenced and substantiated and ready to go, Eve’s Law, if granted will
close the loophole in our current domestic legislation but Eve’s Marker will
protect so many victims so that they too feel cocooned and protected. My research, my education, my idea now has a
name Eve’s Marker and my late night scribbling has the capability to protect
not only domestic violence victims but all victims. I have listened, watched and learned with an
open heart, eyes and mind and soaked in the knowledge offered to me, I have a
clear goal now and the fierce passion to drive this forward along with a little
munchkin cheek thrown in for good measure. I admit I have
pushed the boundaries just a little and our PM and the MOJ probably have a bit
of a headache because of me but I have a job to do, a task to accomplish and
along the way I have found something I think that I am really good at,
campaigning (2014 will
bring news of the latest child abuse campaign we are backing and hoping to
drive forward.)
Eve’s Marker if
passed as legislation would have two tiers, a provisional and permanent, the
marker would stay for life. Too much
money is wasted in renewal of anti molestation orders/restraining orders and
many perpetrators as we know never give up their control so for a victim to
have the knowledge that they are protected for life is needed. I also have conducted extensive research
since my visit to Scotland, thank you Chief Inspector Conrad Trickett who is
responsible for policing in Dundee, the Wards of Coldside, Strathmartine, North
East, East End and Broughty Ferry and feel very confident in saying that Eve’s
Marker could and should replace the anti molestation process and thus save our
country millions of pounds yet our victims will be much better protected as
they won’t have to endure the civil courts to obtain the order – a cocooned and
protected victim makes a stronger witness for when it is time for any criminal
convictions. I also wish to state that
Bad Character Applications should be a matter of course for all domestic
violence/abuse cases, 60 hours unpaid work is neither sufficient nor acceptable
and had a bad character application been carried out on my ex he would have
undoubtedly gone to prison because of his record. My ideas and the solutions to the problems
are ready to go along with a sound plan for saving our country oodles of money!
Too many mistakes
are being made, too many victims are being placed at risk and directly into the
firing line of danger. It is time this
changed. Clare’s Law and Sarah’s Law are
marvellous pieces of legislation but I feel also have some failings and any
enquiry made under them should never be taken as gospel due to under
reporting. Eve’s Marker/Law will
strengthen both Clare’s and Sarah’s Law as more victims will report if they
feel their safety is of paramount importance.
Victims safety is
and should be the first thing that is thought about because:
Safer victims =
better reporting = stronger witnesses = conviction = strengthens Clare’s and Sarah’s Laws = saves further
victims! Proactive NOT reactive! #CommonSense.
I want to take this
opportunity to thank Prime Minister David Cameron for his personal
intervention, Shadow Minister of Justice Dan Jarvis MP for his support and
backing, without him Eve’s Law/Marker would not appear in Hansard’s or be an
Early Day Motion for which we have MP Rob Flello to thank.
I would also like to
thank The Rt Hon Damian Green MP Minister for Policing, Criminal Justice and
Victims who also intervened after my email to Shalish Vara to welcome him to
his new post. I cannot change the law
alone but I am in contact with those that can and hope now that common sense
will prevail.
We presented the
legal brief for Eve’s Law and Eve’s Marker and solutions to implementation to
the Ministry Of Justice in December, all the hard work has been done, the right
people have been contacted it is now up to the powers that be and I am looking
forward to 2014 with eager anticipation and the meetings planned with the
Ministry Of Justice and Dan Jarvis. I am not aligned to any particular
political party and I strongly feel that this is not about politics but common
sense, our victims need protecting, its time.
I have found myself
again and along with that my voice and this year I am proud to say that
OneVoice Never Silenced have helped and signposted many victims of not only
domestic violence but rape, child abuse etc and along the way we have
highlighted failings and mal-practise but also praised those that have put the
victim first or perhaps gone that extra step to ensure their protection and
peace of mind. If it’s good I will say,
if it’s bad I will too because no one “controls” me any more I am me and my
voice is my own.
2014 is looking
good, in February I start studying a new and beautiful language, sign
language. 1 in 2 deaf women are victims
of domestic violence so as my skills grow I hope that I can raise much more
awareness and reach even more with the use of a variety of different media
avenues. In March I complete my CEOP
Ambassador training which will enable me to take OneVoice Never Silenced even
further. I also planned on beginning my
studies for a law degree but I have put that on hold for a little while until
my medical investigations are completed and I know what is causing the TIA’s, I
hope my board are smiling as they read that – yes I am listening.
2013 saw the
introduction of the first ever multilingual tweetathon, (another late night/can’t
sleep idea) a #VictimsEducation which I
had to sadly put on hold due to problems with my health and the demands on my
time but it will be back bigger and better in 2014 and hopefully reaching many
more silent victims. I am lucky enough
to know some fantastic translators who ensure that the tweets are translated
perfectly into Spanish, French, German, Bengali, Hindu and Polish but I am
always looking to expand the scheme to further languages so if you can
translate or know someone who can please get in touch. With just the first multi lingual tweetathon
a Polish silent victim was reached and signposted to help, I hope with it’s
continuation we will reach many, many more.
It also saw the
implementation of the OneVoice Buddies scheme, an idea I had as I journeyed
myself and reached out for an ear on social media. You can read more about the scheme here but
2014 will see it grow even bigger as I begin to exercise my plans for it. OneVoice Never Silenced has grown so much in
its first year, it’s exciting, I’m excited!
2013 has been a year
for reflection and as I sat at my dressing table getting ready to travel to
London for the first time to meet Dan Jarvis (yes my first time in my capital
city and I was going to see an important MP in the Houses Of Parliament, me!) I
smiled as I looked at myself, I have changed so much. Just over 3 years ago I sat in exactly the
same place but the face that looked back at me was empty, hollow, my eyes dead,
as I sat surrounded by my pain medication wanting to end it all. I’m so glad I didn’t, I’m so happy that I
clawed my way back to find myself again, I’m so grateful to my girls, they
saved my life in more ways than one and now I will spend every day trying my
best to make a better life, a happier life for them, I owe them both BIG BIG
time. Life could not be better and yes I
have had to reveal parts of my past in order to achieve my goals but I have
done so willingly in a bid to help others.
I am not interested in being rich and famous, I’ve had money it doesn’t
buy happiness or peace and any media opportunities that have been offered to me
have never been for self promotion but to raise awareness and I have not made
one penny from them. I am taking a
journey as we all are and I am far from perfect but I am trying, I am learning. My girls are off limits, they’ve been through
enough and I am trying my best to be the mother they deserve and protect them
now, yes I have discussed pieces of our past life of violence and abuse with
their consent in order to carry out my aims but our lives now, their lives
especially are private, their identities protected and I will do everything
within my power to ensure it stays that way.
I am a very simple
woman with very simple needs and I don’t ask for much just the respect that I
endeavour to always show others is returned.
I don’t want to fight, there is too much of that, I want to talk and
debate, learn and grow but I ask that you never mistake my kindness for
weakness, that I am not. I don’t have
very good health but I try not to let it stand in my way, my war wounds won’t
beat me! I would love to come off
benefits and for someone to offer me a job, I hate struggling and fighting to
pay bills whilst trying to put food on the table and keep warm but my ill
health means that the door has been closed many times despite my career history
and so I realised my dream and created OneVoice Never Silenced, I am hoping
that in the New Year we can apply for funding because there is only so much I
can financially do alone, OneVoice has made it’s stamp and it’s here to stay!
I have worked hard,
often 20 hour days to build OneVoice Never Silenced and make the
contacts/resources we now have to help others and most of this has been done
from my home/bed whilst I rest, my body may be broken and painful most times but
my mind is acutely in tune and thirsty for even more knowledge. 2013 has brought me a lot of tears but is
ending with a lot of smiles and with it has come an inner peace, a peace that
has helped me dig deep every time so that I can fight back. To my abusers, my teachers I say this – I forgive
you, it is past, I have made peace but know this I am not the weak person I was
and I will defend if attacked, I won’t be backed into a corner and made a
victim ever again! I have changed, I am no longer afraid.
I have had THE best
teachers and come through it all, I am a SURVIVOR so thank you 2013 for all you
have brought. I am in control and I am a
hell of a lot braver than I ever gave myself credit for and as each obstacle
has come hurtling towards me I may have bent a little but boy have I bounced
back, bigger, stronger, more empowered! Heather is back and has a job to do and I hope
that in 2014 you will all continue to support me by continuing to lend me your
voices. I have plans, big plans, I have
found my passion, something that I am good at once again and there’s no stopping me now.
Eve Thomas was
created in memory of my grandparents, two wonderful, loving people who
supported me so much when they were alive and so I say standing all of my 4ft
10” I AM PROUD, I AM ME! At first I was embarrassed when David Malone named Eve’s
Law but not anymore – I mean have you seen the legal brief??? Who would not be proud to have this marvellous piece
of domestic legislation named after them, this time if common sense prevails a
life doesn’t have to be lost in the name of a law.
I will say goodbye
to 2013 with a smile and blow it a kiss and then turn around and welcome
2014. There is life after domestic
violence/abuse, it’s a journey yes and it’s bloody hard and painful at times
but it can be done – one day at a time and in your own pace and time. If you are reading this and are silent please
know that you are not alone, I am holding out my hand and I am here for you. Life is full of choices, choose wisely,
choose well.
I hope you all have
a wonderful New Years Eve, it’s a day of the year I have never really liked as
it was usually filled with false promises and New Year Resolutions that were
broken within hours if not minutes of being made but this year is different, this
year I welcome it with a smile knowing and recognising how far I have come and
what I have achieved not only for myself but for others. If you got a problem you only have to ask and if I don't know the answer/solution I will find out.
Thank you to everyone who has supported me, guided and helped me. I wish for you all
everything that is good and positive for 2014 and along with that big smiles
and hugs.
HAPPY NEW YEAR
Be safe, be proactive NOT reactive.
Heather/Eve
X x
